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| For those of you with Yahoo.com accounts,
especially those of you who have been in e'mail contact with me before,
please heed the following pubic service announcement :
DO NOT OPEN E'MAIL WITH SUBJECT
New Graphic Site
It is a virus.
This virus may come to you via a known contact but DO NOT open any attachments or links that you are not sure of.
The apparent senders of these things are not really who they appear to be-- this is called spoofing.
Please do not blame the person it says it is from and do not reply to the message.
For more information:
http://securityresponse.symantec.com/avcenter/venc/data/js.yamanner@m.html
~andrea | | |
| this is another cross-posted entry from livejournal. bon apetit !
so, i have off from josh today. i slept in until 8/8:30 when i got to
talk to clinton [he's in tampa] on the phone. i got up and had a bowl of cereal
(cinnamon life) while watching tv. somehow, i got hooked watching the
carol duvall show; it's a crafting show. and just before that i was
watching an infomercial for the "nicer dicer"... ::rolls eyes:: people,
a good knife will take you far. get a good knife that you can sharpen.
in the end, i suggest everyone has three or four knives.
1) a 9"-10" chef knife
it should not bend and it should not be serrated. you can get any kind
of handle, just keep in mind that wood handles don't like to be put in
the dishwasher and if you -do- get a non-bonded handle, make sure that
it has at least two rivets to hold it to the blade. three rivets are
even better. the metal should run the entire length of the knife. if
the handle is bonded, you can usually tell whether the metal does go
the whole length by feeling the weight of it. as for its size, some
people are scared of big knives. this isn't a cleaver and it certainly
isn't a machete; a big blade is appropriate for big jobs. it's good for
slicing and chopping apples, potatoes, eggplant, fennel, carrots,
onions...
2) a serrated bread knife these are usually
around 9" long as well. this is prolly the only serrated knife you will
ever need. and trust me, when you have wonderful bread or gourmet
sandwiches, you really cannot use a knife that -isn't- serrated. also,
let me clarify that by serrated, i mean little waves that you can see.
do not, i repeat, do not buy any knife that has that
micro-serrasion thing going on... you cannot sharpen it and all it does
is snag the things you (try to) cut with it. as far as the weight of
this blade, it can bend -some- since it's meant for bread, but it
shouldn't bend much.
3) a sturdy paring knife as with the
chef knife, it should not bend or, if it does, only very slightly. it
should be longer than 3", though prolly not longer than 4". paring
knives are good for trimming down broccoli or avocado, cutting small
fruit like strawberries or plums, and also slicing or dicing small
vegetables like garlic, ginger, and shallots. you may think that
because this knife is small, there's no sense spending a little extra
on it. just like any other tool, appliance, or furniture, you will
probably spend more money replacing it than you would on just buying a
good one in the first place.
4) a sharp, deft meat knife this, of course is optional,
since you may never handle meat in your kitchen. if you do, however, i
highly suggest one of these 5"-7" wonders. you may already have an
8"-9" knife that matches your meat fork, but this is not the same
thing. that knife is pretty much only for cutting large cooked meats,
like turkey or pot roast. (if you really like your chef knife, you may
not even need the 8"-9" one.) the one i'm recommending is for uncooked
proteins. it's excellent for seafood, poultry, and "formerly
four-legged" meats. this knife doesn't have to be strong, just sharp
and sharpenable. i have found little more frustrating in the kitchen
than when i am trying to trim off fat and other less-than-edible bits
from raw meat and am having to do so with a dull knife. even worse is
the nightmarish micro-serrasion knife which snags the meat. you may
say, but andrea, why bother cutting the meat until after you cook it?
because, smaller pieces cook faster and more evenly and, such as in the
case of curry, you may want them to absorb more flavour from the sauce.
also, if you've never made pork medallions out of pork tenderloin, you
don't know what you're missing.
and just -one more plug- against those ubiquitous micro-serrasion blades:
did you ever consider that they are harder to clean and might actually be harbouring nasty germs?
::sigh::
i've
gotten to the point where i'm just leaving my knife kit at julie's
house. it's just easier that way. and the other day, i noticed that she
didn't even have a vegetable peeler. and those are things you can
literally get at the dollar store. i suppose i will have to do it for
her. or just give her one of mine; i think that between the two of us,
clinton and i have at least four of them.
anyhow... what shall i
do with the rest of my day? i want to make the house nice for clinton
when he gets home tonight and i prolly have a couple errands i should
stop putting off. the only thing that's holding me back is this
question: what to wear?
~andrea | | |
| I posted the following in my livejournal three days ago and thought it would serve as a nice flagship entry for xanga.
* replacing hardware on dresser/changing table and filling holes - check!
* sanding dresser/changing table - check!
* making and finishing changing table mattress frame - check!
* taping off and spray painting changing table and mattress frame
* measuring, buying, and covering high density foam for mattress
* moving queen bed out of room and into garage
* covering accordian doors with drywall, mudding, and sanding
* filling holes, taping off, and painting walls and ceiling
* buying and assembling daybed frame; moving mattresses from garage
* buying and assembling crib (from ikea)
* buying crib mattress and linens; dressing crib
* buying and installing lighting (paper lanterns)
i also finished all three of the stuffed toys in the set i devised. still
feeling too lazy to photograph and post images of them. but they work
and are cute. we went to ikea last weekend but only bought $20 worth of
stuff; a replacement bowl, cookies, and some other random little
things. i finally went to lowe's the other day and successfully
replaced the window safety sash lock i was going to use to lock the
changing table frame in place. today, after finishing said frame, i
realized i don't really want to use them. i might as well return them
since i can't foresee needing them for anything else. they're really
fun to operate. i prolly should have been out in the garden today,
since it was sunny and lovely out of doors. i was not, but took a long
nap in the morning and then mostly devoted the afternoon to building
the frame.
last night, clinton and i had dinner at my cousin
joy's, up in everett. i found out that ana, her daughter, just turned
five! she was three when i first moved to the pacific northwest. time
has flown by. joy's parents are visiting for a month and so i finally
got to meet george and lenore. lenore would be my grandmother's first
cousin, and they are close in age, though lenore's children are 35-40
and my grandmother's are 45-50. we had a good time, all of us. it was
nice to see all of them; it makes me very glad to see that clinton can
get along so well with my family members, even with my grandmother back
over thanksgiving holiday.
i'm realizing that clinton and i are
prolly not going to get to travel in a long while. it makes me sad.
sometimes, i don't feel ready to let go of our family just being me and
him. not that it is only me and clinton, since i have to be prepared
for allison or matthew to visit. matthew will be here under the sign of
Aries [late march to late april] and i'm not thrilled. passover is
right smack in the middle of that and i was hoping to get to
participate, kitchen and all, for once. we didn't really last year
since passover was right smack in the middle of us moving into the
house. i did execute some sort of spring cleaning, but not really quite
the same. and we didn't go to a seder meal. i miss it. hopefully we can
find some people to share at least the seder meal with. it will be
impossible to observe passover, even as a lazy gentile, with matthew
here. i won't even try.
in the meantime, i -was- starting to
feel better about the pregnancy, but there are entities against me,
real and imagined. for one, the baby's kicking has started to wear me
down some. that and not taking my iron supplement diligently. this
morning, i got up and took a "shower" with clinton before he left for
work. i had a bowl of cereal and went right back to bed. i could really
have stayed there all day. but i am glad i got up and got a project
done. i'm pleased with how it's come out. i can't wait until i get to
spray paint everything and get the mattress underway. i've bought
clinton several "expecting father" books. i had mentioned one in the
last update, but i think i got him one or two more from amazon, and i
have some from the library. i'm slowly reading the other books i got
out for myself.
the way that hospitals handle birth is the stuff
of nightmares. one thing i have to tell myself, even though i'm still
going to a birthing center, is that it is not a criminal act to birth
your baby at home, without a midwife or doctor in attendance. women,
left to their own devices, will usually not birth on their backs---
just laying on your back can impede the natural miracle of childbirth.
the cervix doesn't stretch as well and blood flow can be severly
handicapped by the weight of the womb on major arteries. fetal monitors
require a mother to lay on her back, maybe even her side if she has
open-minded attendants, and i think are only a source of more worry.
that all said, i honestly cannot wait until june. i want my mother to
be here (but not really with me during birth). i want to find that
place with myself, my baby, and my partner. i want to finally be able
to dispell all of these doubts and finally feel empowered and
deserving. i want my body to prove to me that it can do what it needs
to do, maybe it can even do it well, and i can listen to my body and i
can love it. i want to stop reading about it but find relief in
-living- it, -doing- it...
and hopefully, when the baby comes, i
will be ready. i will have all of the -stuff- in place and i will be
able to be peaceful and receptive and patient. i have felt closer to
clinton at times, and i feel how our relationship is changing. there
are times when he is so perceptive and loving and close to me. i can't
imagine wanting to want to be around anyone but him... i hate that he
has to go to work. i hate that it can't just be our time. i also look
forward to june because then, hopefully, we'll get to be together
without interruption. i hope my mother will be as wonderful as i need
and want her to be. i think she knows when to back off; or at least
she's learning. especially if she's a guest in my house, i think she'll
be keen to our needs for privacy; she's a good guest.
~andrea | | |
| hello everyone...
i'm eating my sandwich from lunch that i couldn't eat all of
then. it's 5:15 now... oh well. clinton and i will have a
late dinner. i haven't posted in a while; sorry for those of you
longing to hear from me.
allison, clinton's daughter, was visiting us for a couple weeks but she
has returned safely to the uk. that wasn't too bad; i get stupid
and annoyed at times by other people in -my- space, but it was better
than having matthew here. allison at least can fend for herself
and we actually manage a couple meaningful conversations. it's
hard with her because she's trying to present this image instead of
making real human contact. oh well.
but i thought this [xanga] would be a good forum in which to list my
christmas presents! i don't really remember getting any last
year, so this year made up for it.
-pregnant yoga postures book (misty)
-teal yoga mat (" ")
-empire red kitchenaid artisan stand mixer (clinton)
-the amelie dvd, finally (" ")
-girl with a pear earring dvd (" ")
-fun black thigh-high stockings (" ")
-tan ugg boots (allison)
-jaffa cakes and shortbread, to share with clinton (" ")
-box of "black magic" chocolates, to share with clinton (matthew)
and i even -gave- christmas presents this year... yeah, i know!
in other news, i had some blood drawn and tested about a week ago
(baby-related). the results came back; everything's fine except
that my iron levels are drastically low. so now i'm taking this
german liquid iron supplement called Floradix IRON + Herbs.
honestly not as much fun as it sounds; tastes pretty nasty.
theoretically, it absorbs better than solid supplements and is less
inclined to constipate a body. we shall see.
you can check on my livejournal userinfo page to see a ticker that keeps track of how pregnant i am.
by the way, weren't there some more weddings coming up ?
~andrea
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| so, i must admit i've been kind of, well, -me- for the last couple
months... if not always. i wish "me" didn't mean less than
positive or sluggish or at all unhappy, but it kind of does. a
part of me has accepted that it's not necessarily connected to my life,
these negative feelings, that there are plenty of things in my life i
appreciate and enjoy... but they don't really keep me from being a
little less than happy. clinton suggested that i'm a melancholy
person--- meaning that just because my "normal" isn't prosac-happy,
doesn't mean i should feel even more negative about myself. maybe
it just -does- take a little more for me to get giddy. if i can
just refrain from being resentful about the times i have been giddy or
those who are exuberantly happy, then there's nothing really patently
-wrong- with me.
for a while, i tried to sell myself on the idea that i was feeling so
miserable because i had totally shifted gears from the person i used to
be. why don't i know what to do today or how to get out of bed
tomorrow or what i want to do with the rest of my life?--- because i
performed a whirlwind transformation. why did i change? i
wasn't happy with whom i was before. am i so much happier
now?---no, but i needed change. i think i do feel better. i
try to look back over the perhaps incremental improvements i've made---
i can talk to strangers, i can be more outgoing (at times), i be a
little less fearful of myself. these are small things, but
important things; i suppose i only wish they were more constant.
i don't like to work, mostly because i haven't found work that is very
satisfying, but i do -enjoy- the work i do now--- i take care of an
eight year old. though i'm forced to sacrifice my time and
freedom and sometimes the boy won't eat all of his cereal without a
fight and sometimes all he'll talk about are cartoons and his yu-gi-oh
cards, which is tiresome, but there are a lot of moments i look back on
that make me smile. i hope that, whenever i find an opportunity
to work again, after the baby is born, i will be able to find something
even -more- rewarding. it never seems to be about the money, but
i really cannot stand giving of my self and my time to something that
doesn't value me. at least, with this job, i know that i am
valued for -me-. for all of its awkwardness and crazy wake-up
times, i am glad that i have this job.
and as for clinton... there have been some days, even more than days,
where it has been challenging to really give myself to our
relationship... but for all of that, for all of the inner turmoil i
suffer over the sexual aspect of our relationship, all that i mull over
about his [former] marriage and how my mother isn't -ecstatic- about us
and how guilty and worried i am about leaving gerret (though i never
really entertain going back to him), i love him so much and i am so
glad that he loves me. i am so glad that he has been patient with
me, and that he wooed me, and will even woo me now. sometimes i
am overcome with happiness, though i don't squeal or do cartwheels
(because i never could), and i feel very safe and loved with him.
some days, i am magically able to overlook the petty issues about
furniture and food and who washes what how, and just feel
complete. we do some task together, or we do our tasks separately
and we are near each other... just having someone with whom i really am
very comfortable to share things with---i should never underestimate
this.
as for this pregnancy... jon called and we talked and in the course of
conversation he asked how long i'd known: since october. i waited
to tell people because it hasn't been so delightful. no, i have
relatively few bodily complications compared to many, but i am -not- as
joyful and glad as i would have hoped to be when this time came.
sometimes, i scold myself and say that if i had been more patient and
been able to wait until we were married and all of the legal b.s. with
clinton's [former] marriage were out of the way, i'd feel more
secure. but then again, maybe i wouldn't... when i am happy
about the pregnancy, i try to hold on to it, but i still am so
worrisome and i feel so needy and defensive about what's going to
happen to -me- with the birth of this child... i wish i weren't so
insecure and still so impaired when it comes to living each day and
getting things done. for a while, i tried to tell myself that the
pregnancy would encourage the nesting instincts and get me to take
better care of my home and my family, but that is unlikely when i still
don't feel i can take care of myself.
i try to remind myself of who i used to be and, in many ways, still
-am-... i was the girl who at 16 was working in the nursery with little
babies and children and i wasn't just -playing-... i was taking it
seriously and i enjoyed it... and in some ways, i remember how much i
looked forward to having a baby of my own... but what if my baby is
dull or ugly ? i don't trust i'd be able to love it and enjoy it
and care for it the same as it if were a beautiful, precocious baby...
what if it's a boy! i mean, i desparately -need- to believe that
i will love my child, no matter who or what it is, but i do so very
much want a girl... sometimes i think, how could i have a boy ? all i have ever wanted was a girl...
at least for my first child, anyway... and it's not just me being
selfish (?) but that i want to carry on the -legacy- or sorts where my
gradmother was my noni's oldest and my mother was my grandmother's
oldest, and i was my mother's first baby... and i don't want to tell
clinton, in fact i don't want to tell anyone, for fear that it will
jinx me and i only be more disappointed, emarrassed even, if and when
it turns out to be a boy... and i'm upset with having any dispositions
about the baby's sex. i wish i could be liberated and not even
think of it... but i suppose i'm not liberated, am i ?
i feel my body changing and my belly has begun to protrude... my belly
button is even starting to push out---it scared me at first! i
never felt -wonderful- about my body shape and size (except maybe
secretly and only occasionally), but this change is really making self
conscious. i don't look -fat- or -huge-, though i might
eventually, but i can't fit into but two of my pants anymore... and i
feel guilty going and buying maternity clothes now... because i still
wonder if i'll miscarry or if i'll "miscarry"... something i thought
i'd never, ever consider.
i feel slightly relieved now, having publicized all that... there's
obviously still much more angst, but i hope you won't wait with bated
breath for it...
~andrea
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